Saturday, October 23, 2010

Trust Issues

Who doesn't have them!? I was thinking and praying about trust a lot during Adoration last Sunday. It probably all started from reading the Intro to With Open Hands, a Nouwen classic. The reflection was focused on what we are holding on to, such as our fears, and I began to reflect on my Echo experience. I had to put a lot of trust into God... was this the right thing? Trusting God had a plan for me in Texas, the last place I wanted to be. That got me thinking about real trust. I think we can often say we are trusting in God's plan for our lives, but how often are those just words? I don't know the answer to that, but I'd like to think that I had genuine trust. I was happy (for the most part) in Texas and I let my gifts be used. Well, that got me thinking about Echo summers and how Echo 5, especially Cafe Disco, brought out the best in me. I believe that is testimony enough that I did let go of my fears and started trusting God's plan.

One of the things I fear the most is my future and having no idea where it's headed. Included in that is the relationship I'm in. We've talked about the future, about marriage, but he isn't always sure about it, so sometimes I get worried and stress over it. But as soon as I realized that and knew that I had to let it go and trust that whatever does happen with this relationship is the will of God, I felt this great peace sweep over me. I certainly have my plans and what I want (again, who doesn't!?), but part of my plan needs to be trusting in God's plan, whether they coincide or not. I believe we are given certain desires for a reason. Why did I want to become a youth minister? Because I was given the gift of working with youth, and now here I am, employed full-time at a parish!

Sometimes you just know... you know it's love and it's meant to last, you know what you want to do and be, you know the decisions you need to make and those you don't. I like to call those "God things" or "God moments" because you know it's all a part of His divine plan and you're happy where you are, genuinely happy and you feel at peace. Praise God for those reassuring times!

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