Monday, February 9, 2015

Growing in Trust during Pregnancy

I'm pretty sure time goes by more quickly when one is least that is what it seems. With every passing day I get closer and closer to our due date. At 31 weeks of my pregnancy, it is now single digits for the weekly countdown until baby James is here (unless, of course, he comes early or late). 9 weeks to go! And so much to do!

As I have been reading different materials and constantly thinking about this baby, I have been reflecting on the different stages of becoming a parent. I'm sure others will have different experiences, but as a first-time mom, this has been my journey so far:

First Trimester

The first months were coupled with excitement and also worry. Aaron and I weren't surprised about the double lines on the pregnancy test, but we were excited. At the same time I was also worried about miscarriage; I know of a lot of women who have had miscarriages, and while the books say it isn't that common, it seemed pretty frequent in my world. Because of that, I was nervous about telling a lot of people at first, but I also knew that if anything did happen, they would be of great support if needed.

Second Trimester

The "middle" months came with joy, unbelief, and impatience. I'm sure the joy part is pretty obvious...we're having a baby! The unbelief part was "I cannot believe an actual baby is growing inside of me!" And the impatience came with waiting to see the baby bump grow and not look like I just ate too many donuts. During the second trimester we also had the official ultrasound and found out we're having a boy (James Henry). I also started to feel him move around, and those kicks and punches continued to get stronger.

Third Trimester

As I entered the final months of  this pregnancy, the joy and excitement are still there, but the worry came back when I got further into the reading of my pregnancy books..."what if he is stillborn? what if he is born prematurely? what if he isn't healthy when he is born? what if something happens after he is born?" And then I realized that all I can do is trust the Lord with the life and health of our son.

Trusting God and in His will has to be a continuous part of our lives, and yet it gets more difficult during various transition times. Some "trusting moments" came easily, such as deciding to transfer to Saint Mary's University without ever stepping foot on the campus and joining Echo, knowing I could be placed in a location far from home (let's be honest, I thought I'd be placed in the Midwest, so of course I jumped right into the program).

Reading the letter from Notre Dame stating my apprenticeship was going to be in Fort Worth, Texas was not my finest "trust moment." I cried. But then I came to accept it and knew God had some great plans for me down there! Other times when trust came with great difficulty was when long-term relationships ended, but at least now I can look back on the experiences to see how I have grown and what it taught me.

Now that I'm married with a child on the way, I feel like I need to trust God even more, and this is the most difficult trust. I don't often think of terrible situations about Aaron being taken from me through unexpected accidents or whatever else, but they occasionally creep into my brain because tragedies do happen. And it's scary to think that the life that we created together, our son, could suddenly be taken away. But we don't know the plans God has for us and all we can do is trust in His will and that the Lord will provide for whatever happens. Easier said than done sometimes, but I think the more we say it the more we'll believe it.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose hope is the Lord. He is like a tree planted beside the waters that stretches out its roots to the stream: It fears not the heat when it comes, its leaves stay green; in the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit."  - Jeremiah 17:7-8
"When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you." - Isaiah 43:2