Revelation of the Day

Today while I was driving back home after picking up some stuff from my dad's for my graduation party, I had a revelation. It isn't anything new, I know this about myself when I'm doing it, but today... I don't know, it just dawned on me that knowing this can affect how I work! I like to work by myself, without people around or others watching over me. It is why I was so overwhelmed while packing up to move out after graduation, because there was a TON of people around, and I can't work at my own pace, I felt rushed and that I had to be doing something. Even with planning stuff; I'm not much for group projects and I hope to have a lot of independence when I'm in Fort Worth so I can come up with my own ideas and implement them, and not having someone breathing down my back. I don't think it will be like that; we'll see! This week I've been (very slowly) cleaning up stuff from college; I have stuff all over my bedroom and the living room, plus the kitchen. I just get so unmotivated sometimes... I'll move like..4 things, and then take a break. It's kind of pathetic, actually! But hey, oh well. So tonight, I was telling my mom she should go to our old neighbors house, since they're getting together. She wanted to go in the first place, but we have this house to clean up. I told her to go, and I'd clean. Well, she didn't believe me! But really, I like to work best by myself. Hmm, maybe an aspect of it is so people can see the progress and be surprised. I don't know. Those were my thoughts of the day! I'm sure I had plenty more on my walk back from Mass this morning too. I've been trying to not drive my car, so I ride with my mom to work, go to Mass, and then walk home, which is about an hour walk. I get to save money and exercise! Awesome! Well, that is probably enough rambling for one day, plus I'm hungry and I think we're eating soon.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us!

My Heart is Ready

First of all, I prayed the wrong morning prayer this morning because I had no idea what week we were in and I forgot about St. Mattias! And that it is a "high solemnity" as one friend told me. But, I'm kind of glad I prayed the wrong week, because the antiphons and canticle were perfect for me today. The first antiphon was "My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready." Before I continued on with the psalm I was like "whoa." It just fit so perfectly into my current situations. I kind of realized that no matter what happens in life, God prepares our heart for it. So this whole thing with a guy... whether we're going to move forward with a relationship or not, I have to trust that it be God's will. I've been praying about it so much and it has occupied my mind a lot these past few days. I know what I want, but I have no idea what God's plans are! I just have to trust and know that my heart will be taken care of by my Father.

Another think I thought about during the psalm was going to Texas. My heart is ready, God! Ok, maybe not... I just took a second to think about how I'll be leaving all I know to go to a state I've never been to before and to completely surrender over my will to abide by His and help bring others closer to God. In a sense, I know I am ready. I have strong friendships with people and I know God is watching over them, and that we'll keep in touch in our time away from each other. I'm ready to start my vocation as a minister to the Church; hopefully in youth ministry! God has kept me strong in so many situations, I know I'm ready to take on another one. I just have to keep trusting.

Real world, watch out, for my heart is ready!

Graduation... now what!?!

Well, I graduated on Saturday! It was such an overwhelming weekend! And I'm not only talking about the packing that I despised. Sr. Josie came for graduation, so she could graduate with her class! It was one of the most amazing things ever and such a blessing to see her, along with her Postulant Director and five other postulants.

The ceremony was wonderful. One cool part was before we even got inside the gymnasium, we had lined up for walking, and then all of the faculty and some staff walked through us, then they lined up and we walked through them, and we applauded each other. And simply walking into the gymnasium I was so overtaken with mixed emotions. All those people were here for us! The 2008 graduating class of Saint Mary's! I think I teared up a couple times during the ceremony, but nothing I couldn't blink away!

Afterwards at the reception was a lot of fun, and I didn't cry once there! I thought it was quite an accomplishment. haha. Later on that day though... saying bye to some friends was very difficult. I think our crying even made my mom tear up! The friendships made at college are one of a kind. Fr. Steffes, earlier this week, told me about staying close to those whom God wills for us to have a close relationship with. I wish I could remember more of what he said... but basically to trust in God to keep the friends close who will always be there. Maybe not physically, but, as a I told a friend last night, that is why cell phones were created! Praise God!

So... here I am, a college graduate.... at home. With TONS of stuff! AH! I'm so glad I don't have to be at any job right now, unlike some people! I can take this week to sort through stuff and clean up everything else. It certainly will be a large project, but what else am I supposed to do!?! Summer, here I come!

Texas... for 2 years

Yesterday I found out where I'll be placed for Echo... and I'll be in Texas. That was my absolute last preference... God, what are you trying to show me through this!?! I was really disappointed when I got the e-mail because I was really hoping to be placed in either Peoria or Milwaukee, NOT Texas, which is 16 hours from my home. I'm warming up to the idea now and I know that I'll be there for a reason. I was looking at the Fort Worth diocesan website and they do have a ton to offer for youth ministry, so that is probably one of the reasons I was sent down there. I already met the two women I'll be living with and they are both very sweet. A couple of things that I can look forward to are (hopefully) visiting a friend in Kansas on my drive down to Texas, and another friend lives in Texas; he used to go to Saint Mary's. So, I have a couple connections in the south. I'm curious about Catholicism down in the South. I approach my faith from a traditional background, and I know different diocese vary in some aspects. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later, but I really hope there is a perpetual adoration chapel somewhere in Fort Worth! Anyway, I should really get working on my Christology rough draft...

Another Month

Again, another month has come and gone and I have neglected this blog of mine. Things have been quite crazy though! My thesis was "due" on Monday, but only for peer reviewing; we don't know when the actual due date is. T.E.C. 60 is also coming up, turns out it is this weekend! I'm the Spiritual Director for it so I have to work with the two co-leaders and also plan the prayer services throughout the weekend.

There have been moments when I've been pretty stressed out about stuff, but God suffices and He shows me that He is bigger than everything I bring to Him. Last week I had spiritual direction, but I didn't really want to go; I just wasn't "in the mood" or something, it was slightly strange. Turns out it was a very productive and spiritually uplifting meeting! I am very blessed to have Fr. Steffes as my spiritual director and I'm glad the Holy Spirit called me to be very open with him! I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart again during the two hour Divine Mercy Sunday prayer service. Towards the end of it Fr. Steffes and Fr. Melvin stood up front praying over people. I was up in the choir loft because I sang the Chaplet of Divine Mercy with some friends who played instruments and sang with me. I decided to walk down and I was the very last person and I truly felt God working through my heart while Fr. was praying over me, and I still can feel the effects of it! Praise God! It is amazing when you surrender ALL to Him.

I know this was a short update, but I should finish my letter to Sister Josie and get to bed! I've had some late nights recently.

St. Teresa of Avila, Pray for us!

flying fast

I cannot believe that it has been over a month since I posted last, this semester has been so busy with homework and everything that goes between that and classes and eating! Well, here is a huge update for my blog: I got accepted into Echo, a grad school program at Notre Dame! Last weekend I went for my interview and had a tour of campus, plus hung out with the other amazing applicants and the wonderful people who work with Echo through the university. I can't believe how huge and beautiful Notre Dame is! I am so excited to be there this summer!!! It's been awesome telling others that I got in and seeing them share my joy with me! Through summer classes and a few correspondence courses I will get a masters degree in theology, and also two years of experience at working in a parish while living in an intentional faith community with three other Echo apprentices during the school year. It's free, I will receive a stipend, and it's simply the best program for me out there! I should get to bed now so I can be refreshed for another day of classes and homework, loads of it.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

Let Him Love You

Your flaws, your mistakes,
the failures that you feel,
Let Him love you.

Your fear, your worry,
the confusion that's inside,
Let Him love you.

Your wounds, your scars,
the pain deep inside,
Let Him love you.

Your joy, your hope,
the love that flows through,
Let Him love you.

Your innocence, your gains,
the beauty that abounds,
Let Him love you.

Your heart, your mind,
the self that you find,
Let Him love you.