Lent? Oh yeah.

Today in Fort Worth it is a beautiful sunny, 75 degree day. Days like this one remind us that spring is on it's way, if not already here, and that means new life and new things to do in the city. I don't know what it is exactly, but I am excited about Spring in Texas. Not only will that mean more beautiful days and warmer weather, but it also means longer days are soon approaching (Daylight savings is Sunday). And warmer weather and more daylight means more opportunities to do activities outside. There is so much to do in this city that I have yet to experience.

Days like today make me somewhat forget that it's still Lent. This is Easter weather, not Lent weather! But then again, why do I think that everything about Lent must be about suffering? We still have to live our lives as they are, and that does not mean going about the day passing up laughter and joy.

Today simply feels different... in a good way. This morning I had chapel time with the kids from The Learning Center, and while it has never been my favorite thing to do at the parish, the children always bring a smile to my face. It always feels nice to have it done with for the month as well. This afternoon I decided to rearrange the top of my desk and after doing so I felt like I had more energy and I was happy. What, happy at work!? In the afternoon I usually get super tired and my eyelids start to droop when I read things, but not today! Hopefully that "fresh desk feeling" will last the rest of the week.

I also thought about Lent and how I haven't been doing the absolute best with this blog. A friend decided to blog on the daily mass readings while I decided to pick something inconsistent and unplanned to blog about. Maybe it's ok if these Lenten blog posts aren't always based on something I read, but rather, a mere reflection of the day. That was the part my spiritual director really liked, that I was taking time out to reflect. Does it really matter if it is about a specific book and what stuck out to me? I was reading the Diary of St. Faustina this afternoon and it was all about despair. Sorry, but at this point in my life, I cannot relate to those specific writings.

A lot is going on right now, and amidst the busyness of work, school, and relationships, the most important thing is to always remember that I am in the holy presence of God. He is the life I breathe and the love I give, the support I need and the love I seek.

It's About Us

This past weekend our parish held its annual Lent retreat. It takes place on a Friday night and continues Saturday morning and concludes with the vigil mass. Our retreat director this year was a priest who works in a city close to Fort Worth. I have heard him on two separate occasions and I always find his words so inspirational and I find, within myself, a deeper desire to grow in relationship with our Lord. He is a phenomenal story teller, but those are just stories that often lead the audience to laugh.

At the heart of his talk, he wants us to realize that we are Christ's. We are his ambassadors and we are citizens of the kingdom of God. This isn't our world and this isn't the language we truly speak. God doesn't choose the prepared, He prepares those He chooses. We are chosen. We are the beloved. Are we acting like we are, though? Honestly, how is our prayer life? Are we seeing Christ in others as well? We have to see Jesus within ourselves before we can even begin to recognize him in those around us.

These are just ramblings... it's difficult to put into words how Fr. Hector's words touched my heart. One simple phrase that I will take away from the retreat is: God is so excellent. Would you like to know why? Because He didn't have to wake me up this morning.

Wednesday's Reflection

Last night I finished the section on "giving" in Henri Nouwen's book, but that isn't what has been on my mind lately. In my prayer last night I started to reflect on how I've been annoyed and angered easily as of late. My mentor at the parish said she thinks Lent is an easy time to succomb to those times - we're also going out into the desert and what better place to be tempted and lose our sight of God than this time we're supposed to focus on Him all the more. I was going to blog about all of this last night, but...I fell asleep. I probably needed it, plus it was for the better! Today as I was reading a friend's blog I read this awesome article on preparing for the sacrament of penance, but it was also concerned with what I was reflecting on last night - going past the external things and digging deeper into the root of our issues.

This morning as I was driving I reminded myself that today I was going to choose love and kindness over being annoyed, frustrated, and angry. After all, this life isn't about me and having things my way. It's about God and doing things His way.

From Beads to Ashes

I walked into the office this morning just in time to catch the children from The Learning Center parading around in their masks and handing out beads. I immediately received four beaded necklaces from the little ones - what can I say, I'm loved! I also have the biggest beaded necklace with a plastic mask on it hanging from the corner of my door. Mardi Gras. Fat Tuesday. A strange "holiday." You only celebrate it for the duration of one day. You don't really want to decorate for it early and you certainly don't want to leave your mardi gras things hanging up because the next day is Ash Wednesday and I can imagine the comedian, Jim Gaffigan, saying "that would be inappropriate."

So today I'm wearing brightly colored beads around my neck and tomorrow I'll be fasting and starting my Lenten resolutions. Is "resolution" even the right word to use? Well anyway, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. In a previous blog post I mentioned giving up coffee, and while I would still like to follow through with that one to the best of my ability, I had a revelation last night (or this morning?) about something better that I could do: wake up when my alarm goes off and NOT hit the snooze button. I used to be so good about not hitting "snooze" all throughout college, but this past year hasn't been the best for that. I've been praying a lot about what I should do for Lent and I really want to strengthen my relationship with Jesus. I think it has fallen to the wayside at times within the last year and a half and I want that to turn around. How will not hitting snooze help me with this you might ask? If I can get up earlier and actually get out of bed, then I can make time in the morning for some prayerful reading and reflection. Of course I want to increase the amount of silent prayer, but I'd also like to do more spiritual reading.

So here's the thing: I want to read from Scriptures or another spiritual book (ones that I have already started). In order for that reading to become something more to me and not just words I'm reading for the sake of reading, I will blog about them. It may only be a couple sentences or perhaps it will extend to several paragraphs. Whatever the case, daily blogging will keep me accountable. Disciple is hard, but it has to start somewhere and sometime...